Every Child is UNIQUE

ANJANA reminds me of my childhood. How I was always driven by the motivation to make my parents feel PROUD of me. 

My parents are my IDEALS. They are the obedient and perfect kids. In their childhood they achieved the most with the least resources. They are always driven by the BURDEN and PRIVILEGE of giving back to their people and doing good, the right things. In their words maintain their IMAGE (in the name of duty, getting appreciation, acceptance in the society or greatness). No doubt they are successful people. My father being the first generation of Electrical Engineers, and my mother being one of the few women science post graduates of their times (1960-70s). 

Very extraordinary, talented, responsible, cultured and intellectual people who never compromised their values, principles and ethics. 

My mission as a child was to achieve this level of greatness, seeing my parents happy, and proud in everyway. Do only the right things, never do a mistake or fail. Strive to be THE PERFECT KID. 

My Uncles and Aunts, would compare me with their children. Ironically that made my cousins never like me, so did my younger brother, my friends in school and my peers in neighbourhood. My brother always felt our parents loved me more as I was always APPRECIATED. 

With my brother things were different, he was a energetic, curious and active kid, who will never follow instructions. My mother was always challenged to deal with him. She will pamper him, give him more attention but that will not satisfy him, as there was always a comparison that daughter is good (she follows instructions, fulfilling the expectations) and son is not good enough. 

The expectations of a perfect parent for a perfect kid (me) kept increasing as time passed, so did the challenges of bringing up a brat (my brother). 

The gap continued to build between me and my brother. Eventually I became a LONELY child, yet very effective in maintaining a IMAGE of the good, OBEDIENT kid.

Until one day I joined a boarding school. Thats where as a teenager I begin to DISCOVER myself, I started to make my choices, allowed my reasoning and intellect to support my actions. 

Away from home, the parents influence faded, being independent and being own your own came up, but pressure of maintaining the image continued. 

My parents worked hard to bring both kids up, with the BEST of cultural values, ethics, comfort, living conditions, education and money they could provide. 

I always hear my mom speaking in you KANMANI, I see my experience in your daughter ANJANA. Joyfully carrying the burden and privilege of fulfilling parents expectations with a smile on her face. And you are a dedicated and focused parent working hard to deliver the best, with the available resources and create the perfect kid. 

A FUTURE you are living into is given by your PAST.  

You are creating a BETTER version of Kanmani rather nurturing the UNIQUE Anjana. 

As a parent we want to give the best to our kids, better than what our parents did for us. This builds our expectations, and demand on kids to perform. A child lives up to the demand and expectations until he/she create his/her own PERSPECTIVE of life. 

As a GROWN UP I disappointed my parents with the choices I made (I stopped following their instructions almost always).

And so did my brother, he was a disappointment for my parents since childhood, only saving grace was that he is a boy. INDIAN parents are PROUD to have a SON, no matter what he achieves or qualities he possess.

I DO NOT MAINTAIN THE IMAGE of perfection any more. It took me some years (two decades) to realise that at any point of time I cannot be a perfect daughter, wife, daughter in law, sister or mother. Every day I choose between a daughter or wife, a sister or daughter in law, a mother or a professional.

My brother is also equally challenged, no matter what amount of money he makes he cannot hit the balance between fulfilling the expectations of people around him. 

If we are striving for perfection, acknowledgment or appreciation we will surely die unfulfilled, drained. We are actually chasing a perfect GHOST and the race to satisfy everyone at the same time is technically Not Achievable. We will exhaust ourself pulling off these multiple ROLES.

LIVE your life fully, be the BEST version of YOU. Rather being a BETTER version of SOMEONE else.

Embrace and celebrate the unique KANMANI to allow ANJANA discover and unfold the special soul she is. 

You are a GIFT to your family and environment. Cherish and nurture the LOVE.